I live with mental illness. I will not be silenced and you are not alone.

In my blog post for Mental Health Awareness Month, I spoke about the stigma that those of us with mental illness face. This week has been a perfect example. It has been a week of sadness for many following the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. They were both celebrities. They both were rich. They "seemed happy" based on the view we had from our TVs, computers, and magazines. As a nation, we can learn a lot of from this experience. It is a reminder that mental illness does not discriminate and can be deadly. My fear is that we will not learn and we will all move on until the next inevitable suicide of a celebrity and be "sad and shocked" all over again. As a person who lives with mental illness and a person who works in healthcare this is a disturbing cycle. Yesterday Frank Warren of PostSecret posted the following:

"The losses of Anthony Bourdain & Kate Spade are both tragedies. But remember, they were 2 of the 8,000 of us who ended our lives over the past 3 days. Everyday Awareness."

In many cases, we know the treatments of mental illness. So, why is it that the number of suicides in this country continues to grow rather than slow down? Stigma. Fear. Judgment. Lack of resources. Lack of compassion. Society continues to look down on mental illness as a weakness. So when we struggle, we hide it. This is killing people.

In my own experience, I have often been at odds with my own thoughts and mind. Like many others, I have gone to bed at night and wished to not wake up in the morning. I have had suicidal thoughts. I was craving relief from the pain I was facing. Often, I remember feeling desperate to seek help but petrified to ask for it. I was filled with fear that I would be a burden. I remember one of the first times I opened up about it, the friend I was speaking to was kind, they listened to what I said....and then they told me I should not go around telling people about my struggles because I would be looked down upon. I carried that with me for years and hearing the way people refer to those with mental illness (or use mental illnesses as a way to try to offend or talk down about others) perpetuated that idea.

The reason I was able to make it out the other side was because a friend told me about their experience having a family member with a mental illness. They showed love and concern rather than judgment and pity. That was when I realized I should not shy away from getting help. Over time, I cautiously chose people to open up to. Some of them let me down. However, most of the people I spoke to showed compassion rather than judgment. That saved my life many times.

So this is my plea to break the cycle:

Talk about mental illness with compassion. Talk about it like you do any other diagnosis because a disease that affects your brain is just as real as the diseases that affect your heart, lungs, etc. If you are someone who is living with mental illness, talk about it. If you have someone you love that lives with mental illness, talk about it. If you had someone you love die because of a mental illness, talk about it. Talk to your kids, your parents, your friends, your neighbors. Open up the conversation so it does not feel so scary for our loved ones (and future generations) to say "hey, I am struggling and I do need help" the same way they would if they were having any other bodily struggle.

And please -- when someone does come to you talking about their experience, drop the "get over it" bullshit. Judgment helps no one in this, or any, situation. It is alienating in a moment that compassion can save a life. This conversation has been opened this week. Every day is an opportunity to save someone who is here with us today. What a more beautiful world we would live in if we could choose to treat those of us with mental illness with compassion while we are alive, rather than write of prayers and sadness when our lives are lost.

Its time to change the narrative from one of shame and fear to one of courage and compassion.

If you or anyone you know is struggling, contemplating, or has a plan for suicide. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. They are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

#mentalhealth